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Husband Feels Betrayed By Mortuary: 'I Don't Know Where She Is'

LOVELAND, Colo. (CBS4)- A husband and wife, married more than five decades, planned for what would happen when one of them passed. But Gerald Weber feels betrayed by what happened after his wife, Betty, died.

The Webers made a promise to each other. The couple had been married more than 50 years, raised three children in their Northglenn home and had spent their free time fishing and camping Colorado's outdoors.

In Gerald's words, it was a good ride, filled with laughter and travel. They wanted to ensure they would stay together long after they each passed on, and so Gerald says he and Betty decided on a plan: whoever was the last to go would arrange a church ceremony, and then have the couple's ashes mixed.

Betty & Gerald Weber
Betty & Gerald Weber (credit: Weber Family)

On May 21 after what Weber refers to as a 12-year journey through Betty's Alzheimer's disease, the time had come for Weber to uphold that promise. That night, in hospice care in Loveland, Betty passed away surrounded by family.

After a small ceremony, and a chance to say goodbye, Weber began attending to the matters that follow death. He hired Bowling Mortuary, of Arvada, to handle of the cremation of Betty's body.

"It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life," Weber said. "She was my purpose."

Within days of hiring Bowling Mortuary, Weber says he started to suspect something was amiss. Phone calls were not promptly returned, Weber said, and the Bowling Mortuary representatives he corresponded with did not seem to know what to do with Betty's obituary.

"It seemed to me I was getting bits and pieces of feedback, just enough to keep my interest."

Most unsettling for Weber, he said, was when he asked Bowling Mortuary for the name and location of the crematory where they had taken Betty's body.

"I asked, 'Who is going to do your cremating for you?' and they said, 'Oh, it's that big place on Quebec and I-70.'" Weber was unable to find a cremation business there.

Nearly two weeks had passed since Betty died, and Bowling Mortuary had not returned her ashes to Weber. The thought of the unknown devastated him.

"I took care of her all those years, now I can't. I don't know where she is."

Betty Weber
Betty Weber (credit: Weber Family)

The Colorado Funeral Directors Association, or CFDA, a group of funeral professionals from around the state that promotes best practices and provides education and research in the funeral services field, says the return of ashes to a deceased person's family typically takes about half the time Weber was experiencing.

According to association spokesman Chuck Bowman, a five to seven day period, from time of death until ashes are returned, is more realistic.

"Fifteen days seems awfully long," Bowman said.

A CBS4 Investigation revealed Bowling Mortuary's business address on Iris Court in Arvada is actually a home inside a residential neighborhood. During two separate visits to the location, a man who identified himself as helping the mortuary's owner, Stefano Bowling, said Stefano was unavailable, and could only be reached by phone. The man provided a phone number for another man he said had possession of Betty's body, and would handle the cremation, but was unable to provide that man's last name, or the crematory's correct name.

The CBS4 Investigation also revealed Bowling Mortuary's registration expired nearly seven months ago. Without it, Bowling Mortuary should not be practicing.

In Colorado, funeral professionals are not required to hold a license to work, but they must work for a registered funeral establishment or crematory. The Colorado Department of Regulatory Agencies, or DORA, oversees registration and regulations for funeral homes and crematories under its Division of Professions and Occupations.

Program Director Joyce Young says Bowling Mortuary was registered from January 2010 through November 30, 2014. The business's registration expired on November 30, 2014.

"We do consider them to be practicing without a registration," Young said. "We definitely take it seriously and consider it unregistered practice."

Without receiving a written complaint against Bowling Mortuary, however, Young says the agency cannot take action against the mortuary.

"If we have documentation of a potential violation, then the director initiates a complaint, which can lead to an investigation," Young said. Young says she found no record of complaints against Bowling Mortuary.

CBS4 has attempted to ask Stefano Bowling why his funeral service is operating without registration, but multiple attempts to reach Bowling in person, by phone and by email have gone unanswered. The phone number provided for the man handling Betty's cremation did eventually lead to Colorado Mortuary Service, who ensured Betty's ashes were returned to Weber on June 5, 15 days after she passed away. Weber says he wants nothing to do with Bowling Mortuary, or any of its representatives and plans to file a complaint.

Bowman says reports of experiences like Weber's are exactly why his group fights to restore licensing for funeral professionals, not just the businesses. CFDA also wants the legislature to give DORA more authority to enforce standards.

"The problem with it is, you can't punish a building," Bowman said,  "an individual has to be accountable."

Colorado differs from other states in that it does not require the licensing of funeral directors, embalmers, morticians or cremationists. According to the CFDA website, in 1982, Colorado lawmakers did away with the state's previous licensing system, in large part, because of a lack of complaints by consumers.

It wasn't until the 2009 passing of House Bill 09-1202 by the Colorado General Assembly that Colorado adopted a registration system for funeral establishments and crematories. The CFDA has tried several times to promote legislation that would restore licensing for funeral professionals, but each attempt has failed.

The Funeral Consumer Society of Colorado is a non-profit organization founded to help families find funeral services at fair prices. Grant Steffen, vice president and outreach coordinator, says though he is unfamiliar with Bowling Mortuary specifically, he was not surprised by Weber's story.

"Some funeral homes are particularly reluctant to talk to consumers," Steffen said, "and sometimes their internal functioning is not well regulated."

Steffen encourages families to research funeral services, and says the businesses are required to provide price lists, "Ask questions, insist upon knowing exactly what particular issues will be."

Just by having a conversation with a potential provider, Steffen says, you can get a sense of how cooperative they will be.

Lauren DiSpirito is CBS4's Northern Newsroom reporter. Follow her on Twitter @CBS4Lauren. Share your story ideas with her here.

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