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TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of Two Teams: The Fantasy Football Legend Vs. The Fantasy Football Basement Dweller

Fantasy Football can be, well, a nightmare. Players turn out to be total flops, coaches bench your starting QB, and everyones ribs are broken by Week 14. With Fantasy Football playoffs underway this week, we’ve pitted the #1 seed and the #Last seed against each other since, let’s face it, they should duke it out anyway. A girl can dream…

First Place Fantasy Team
Last Place Fantasy Team
St. Louis Rams v Dallas Cowboys
AFC Championship - Baltimore Ravens v New England Patriots
Team Name
The [r]Ed Hochuli Peppers (ECHP)
Joe Buck Yourself
#1 Draft Pick
DeMarco Murray
Tom Brady
DRAFT DAY PREDICTION
"I can see, in ten years, Coach Harbaugh and Alex Smith still working together like the old married couple they really are. He'll coach 5 rings out of him. Together forever."
"There's no way Arian Foster is playing this year. When you're that big, rehabbing a torn hamstring is like trying to turn a pile of pulled pork into a pig again."
OVERALL RECORD GOING INTO WEEK 14
10-2
2-10
SEASON HIGHLIGHT
Beating team "Your Mom" 144-28 because someone forgot to wake up before 10am PST to set their team thanks to a hangover.
Coming up with the idea to use Robert Griffin's head as the star of the family Christmas tree thereby referring to it for the season as "RG-Tree."
SEASON LOWLIGHT
Losing to "[team]" the same week the office floods from Hurricane Sandy. When it rains, it pours...into your basement and corporate server room.
Trading Tom Brady (based on the fact that he's an UGGS spokesperson and model) for "literally anyone," and playing Mark "Butt Tackle" Sanchez instead.
BEST SMACK TALK
"Seriously, John, if you don't pay the entry fee AND I beat you, I get your girlfriend. I already talked to her and she's fine and encouraging it."
"Me : You :: Best Thing Ever : Worst Thing Ever"
WEEKLY EXCUSE
"I'm not bragging, but obviously I could manage a real NFL team. I'm literally the most talented athlete I know and that's reinforced by my record. You can't argue with numbers."
"DeMarco Murray's foot is my Achilles heel. I knew I should've traded for the Muscle Hamster. How's someone supposed to count on Felix Jones?!"

MORE TALES OF THE TAPE

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    Tale Of The Tape: Seattle Seahawks At Washington Redskins

    The Seahawks don’t like to waste time when they go on the road.

  2. (Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images) (Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Cincinnati Bengals At New England Patriots

    The Bengals are undefeated and rested, and they are licking their chops to get a shot at the Patriots when they are not at their best.

  3. (Photo by Peter Aiken/Getty Images) (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
    Tale Of The Tape: Kansas City Chiefs At San Francisco 49ers

    It was the kind of performance that demands an immediate reassessment.

See All Tales of the Tape
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