Ok team! A couple pieces of news happened in Washington recently, and for the love of all things holy we can’t understand either one. So today, we’re going to do a comprehensive study of both RG3’s crippling knee injury and the recent Fiscal Cliff deal, and try to see which of the two is set to have a more devastating effect on Washington DC.
Tale of the tape
RG3′s Knee Vs. The Fiscal Cliff: Which Wintertime Disaster Will Screw Washington Longer?
| According to CBSSports.com, "a direct repair" of the lateral collateral ligament and "a re-do of [Griffin's] previous ACL reconstruction." | Wait, wait, wait. What happened?! | Per Forbes, “[T]he current 10/15/25/28/33/35% individual tax rate brackets [will revert] to the pre-2001 rates of 15/28/31/36/39.6%." |
|---|---|---|
| The most exciting player in the NFL shredded his leg. | I see. In English? | Your taxes are going up something fierce. |
| Well, let's be honest. It's the Washington Redskins. They had something like this coming to them sooner or later. | AUGH! NO! What!? Why?! | I don't...know. I don't think anyone knows. It was a bunch of people on both sides fighting and now we have a deal that nobody's really happy with, and everyone's paying more money. |
| A lot of people seem to think Mike Shanahan waited a little too long to pull RG3 out of the game. | WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?! | A lot of people think that John Boehner waited a little too long to...heh...heh heh..."Boehner." |
| Long term? RG3 will be fine. He's expected to make a full recovery. | So what are the long term implications? | Hell if I know. But it sounds like the deficit will reduce, so...it's better? |
| If RG3's recovery is delayed, you're stuck with the respectable - but severely non-thrilling - Kirk Cousins. | And the short term implications? | You have less money to drink your face off at Kirk Cousin-led games. |
We'll just call it a tie
Nobody. Nobody is the winner. Unless you're a fan of the Giants, Eagles or Cowboys. Otherwise everyone’s poor and bored.
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