I remember a few times telling my mom I wasn’t coming home for Christmas. It wasn’t a bad experience but it wasn’t one I wanted to make a habit out of year after year. Clearly, I could hear her disappointment and the potential for a few “superlatives” being uttered. Still, she realized I was practicing my independence (which she taught me to be).
As an adult I have come to realize that we (parents and non parents alike) set ourselves up for failure when we “write” the script for our kids. These were some of the biggest arguments with my mom–when she “wrote” my script without checking with me.
What should you do to cope when your college student tells you they’re not coming home for the holiday? Experts say you should
- Go ahead and express disappointment but don’t turn it into a guilt trip.
- See the silver lining; When your child from Colorado gets invited to see another part of the world.
- Offer alternatives. Invite your kids to dinner on Dec 26th or go to them for the holidays.
- Finally, make your own plans by accepting a friends invite to dinner or take a tropical trip yourself.
Also, if they are coming home child psychologists say you should not allow them to come in at any hour just because they’re in college. It’s important for them to know that there are still rules while living under your roof. Also, make them do chores; Doesn’t have to be major but they should have a sense of responsibility.
- by Gloria Neal